Pass Along Humor

Something I thought was funnyFor Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously..........
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Stole this off a blog I read.Sorry the Surgeon General recomends only one original post per week.

Signs you work for a third world country

1. An out of touch dictator allows lieutenants to run things while he enjoys life.
2. Vast amounts of money is spent on prestige projects to lure unseen foreign investors, while priorities go unfunded
3. A bribe is the starting point for everything
4. The peasants are exhorted to produce more for the good of the party/homeland/hotel
5. Wages were frozen in 1964 shortly after the revolution and the rise to power of dear leader
6. The inmates are quite literally running the asylum
7. The staff cafeteria is serving brown sludge for the 856th day in a row, including holidays. 857 days ago the sludge was green, it might be the same sludge
8. Holidays have been abolished in favor of additional revenue periods
9. Nepotism runs rampant
10. Warlords / Department Heads jealously and violently defend turf while ensuring everyone else's turf is lower on the hill for when the shit starts rolling
11. Approval for anything takes 6 forms in triplicate, four signatures and a purchase order. And that's to buy toilet paper
12. The oft mentioned glory days were all before you were born

Feel free to add more

13. Internet service is seen as purely optional and occasional.
14. Your desktop computer was new in 1983 and was provided by World Vision as part of an economic aid package

Please tell me this isn't how its really done

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 8 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Now if only I could find a reason to move south other than all the fun hot men. Oh right now I remember, George Bush has only two years left in office. It'll take at least that long to pack.