Pass Along Humor

Something I thought was funnyFor Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously..........
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened?
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Stole this off a blog I read.Sorry the Surgeon General recomends only one original post per week.

Signs you work for a third world country

1. An out of touch dictator allows lieutenants to run things while he enjoys life.
2. Vast amounts of money is spent on prestige projects to lure unseen foreign investors, while priorities go unfunded
3. A bribe is the starting point for everything
4. The peasants are exhorted to produce more for the good of the party/homeland/hotel
5. Wages were frozen in 1964 shortly after the revolution and the rise to power of dear leader
6. The inmates are quite literally running the asylum
7. The staff cafeteria is serving brown sludge for the 856th day in a row, including holidays. 857 days ago the sludge was green, it might be the same sludge
8. Holidays have been abolished in favor of additional revenue periods
9. Nepotism runs rampant
10. Warlords / Department Heads jealously and violently defend turf while ensuring everyone else's turf is lower on the hill for when the shit starts rolling
11. Approval for anything takes 6 forms in triplicate, four signatures and a purchase order. And that's to buy toilet paper
12. The oft mentioned glory days were all before you were born

Feel free to add more

13. Internet service is seen as purely optional and occasional.
14. Your desktop computer was new in 1983 and was provided by World Vision as part of an economic aid package

Please tell me this isn't how its really done

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 8 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Now if only I could find a reason to move south other than all the fun hot men. Oh right now I remember, George Bush has only two years left in office. It'll take at least that long to pack.

You Are an Orange Margarita

At first glance, you are very unique - but deep down you are still quite a traditionalist. A margarita may be "too fancy" for you, but you'll never turn a free one down.

What Flavor Margarita Are You?

Hmm not much of a surprise there

You scored as A Big Bear. You are such a cuddle teddy bear it is untrue go scare them/cuddle them. A Big Bear 70% Straight Acting 60% S + M guy 50% The all-round cute gay guy 50% Raging Queer 40% Straight Queer Basher 10% Straight 0% What type of Gay are YOU? created with QuizFarm.com

Beard Yes or No

So some friends have been debating whether I look good with a beard. Anyone with an opinion feel free to post. Be honest but remember I'm fragile so if you must be mean at least be funny while doing it.

Pre-Beard












Bearded

Found without knowing I was lost

The internet is a weird and wonderful thing. I am always coming across traces of a past self in places I didn't know I had been. If this was reality surely I'd have lost my wallet in Marakesh and been kidnapped in Abu Dabi by now. But it isn't reality and I can leave my trail of breadcrumbs relatively trouble free to be stumbled upon at some distant future time and place with surprise and intrigue.
Case in point this blog.
I was trying to leave a comment for a very cool cooking blog ( http://jamieandbelle.blogspot.com/ ) and needed to sign in. Just on a whim I entered my standard screen name and password (no I won't tell you here, like I said my internet sign-ups are many and random) lo and behold I was a member and even better I had blog postings.
Finding these was like a time capsule from the me of two years ago. Bad typing and all.
it also made me realize my life hasn't changed all that much. I've been promoted and make more money now and have relatively less problems in my life. But I'm still single and my duality of momentary crisis' seems to continue.

Only now instead of being without money and comics I'm without booze and sex. The important thing now is it's also by choice.
See I'm a catholic, a very lapsed small c catholic but confirmed and all that jazz so occasionally I feel the need to participate in my own special way. This year Ii decided to try giving up casual sex for Lent. Being single it seemed easy enough. If I found someone of substance then it wouldn't be casual either so I had a loophole.
Then I got the flu and didn't drink for the second and third and now fourth weeks of Lent. So I figured why not see if I can go the rest of the way and make it to Easter. Sadly I didn't leave a loophole on this one.
So here I am on a Saturday night home from work at a reasonable time and desperately bored!
See the problems continue... And to quote myself 'Maple gets into big bad trouble when he's bored' only how much trouble can I really find without booze and sex. Anyone know if you can wager money on internet Boggle

24 - 48 Hours to happiness

So at what point does an passing enjoyment turn into an unhealthy addiction? I sit here on a Wednesday afternoon, a quite nice thoroughly enjoyable afternoon in august, waiting in quiet desperation for one or another of my many addictions to come through with a new dose. Now the obvious answer is just go find some internet porn and move on with my life, but its not that simple and that's not the addiction I'm suffering from today. No today is a particularly brutal combination of comic and money withdrawal. Usually I can balance the absence odd one of these with an addition of the other. But since the release schedule of one of my favorite comics ( www.jtbrown.com ) has changed to Thursday and my work schedule has just basically changed for the worse in general, my delicate balance is thrown out of whack. I now find myself lacking in both. I know what your thinking also, boo hoo poor me and normally I'd be the first to agree with you. But I'm bored and that ain't good. Maple guy gets into big bad trouble when he is bored, and no-one wants to see me get into trouble. Trust me it isn't pretty. So what is one to do on a Wednesday in august with little to know money and still no end in sight to the comic drought. Thank goodness for internet boggle!